Dear year ago Jo. You, me and HRT.

Dear year ago Jo,

So you think you have life all planned out? 2.4 kids, a husband, horses….No…STOP! I know your brain is somewhat muddled and befuddled now that your oestrogen has taken a hike but that was a letter to a younger you (* blogs below 👇). Still, here you are, with all of your 50+ years of life’s knowledge and experience, thinking again that you have it all planned out. Adventures aplenty with your four legged buddies Lily and Daisy, fun with friends, races to be completed and an expedition life you have come to know and love. You have it all planned out eh?

I actually think, as crazy as this sounds, that your enforced stay at home due to the pandemic did you a favour. Often, timing is everything even if it feels wrong at the time.

A year ago you were slowly coming out of your Menopause Fog, and yes, it deserves capital letters as it hit you hard. Anxiety, depression, forgetting words, weight gain, fatigue and the resulting lack of confidence nearly cost you your outdoor career but now, your little HRT power patches are weaving their magic. Don’t get me wrong, you are not back to your true self just yet, it may still take a good while but you are starting to stick your head above the clouds and see sunshine again. Maybe this current self is how you are going to stay but you have hope that there is more to come. Hope that your confidence will strengthen, your words will return, your anxiety will lessen and your fatigue will take a hike, all meaning that you can keep the outdoor life you love so much.

And what will the next 12 months have in store for you? More than you ever expected in good and as well as sad ways.

Being open about your experiences with the menopause will open doors for you in areas which you could have never expected. Talking at conferences, on podcasts and in speeches, both online and in person, will give you an inner confidence to walk a little taller once again and in return hopefully help women heading into this new chapter of their lives to walk a little taller too.

And the next 12 months? How will you grow back into your old skin? Well, you won’t. Instead you will grow a newer, more resilient skin. One that remembers what the last few years of inner turmoil have been like, make friends with it and move on. Remember your advice to a younger you? “Be victorious in life and not a victim of your past, for those calling you names have insecurities all of their own, it just seems unfair that they take it out on you. Trust me, this will make you a stronger, more resilient and more understanding person, but I know that it’s just hard to go through right now.” That goes for your inner thoughts. Be kinder to yourself, you may not have the energy of the former you but you can still go the distance simply at a more considered pace.

You will experience great emotional pain in the next 12 months, loss and grief are all part of life both metaphorically and physically, nothing is forever and life is not a linear journey. Embrace each day as it comes whatever it holds, keep being positive and pragmatic, support others, hold no grudges, forgive but don’t forget, keep saying yes to new experiences especially if they scare you and remember, it’s ok to say no, just don’t do it too often. Change is inevitable and it’s your choice how to deal with it. Life moves on and so must you.

As for the HRT? Will it continue to give you your life back? Yes, but maybe in a more fulfilling way.

As your brilliant Doctor told you when prescribing your patches, it will take time and they may not fix everything. Adding back the hormones which run so much of your body and brain will gradually make you feel human again. Because of the rebalance of hormones your hunger response will calm down, your fullness trigger will return, you will start eating sensibly again and your midriff will shrink, leaving a bit of insulation to remind of the past. Because of the rebalance your fatigue will slowly ease and your will to exercise will say a long overdue hello once more, as will your zest for life. Your need for many a Nanna Nap will reduce and you will gain an energy you had long forgotten about. Your brain will start to de-mist, but not completely. Words will still get stuck inside your sometimes muddled mind but it will happen less often, your short term memory will bounce back, all be it at a snail’s pace, but it’s there, honestly. You will make light of all of these things to others, calling it all Menopause Midriff, Menopause Memory or Menopause Mind rather than feeling like you are a failure and wondering what on Earth is happening. It’s all part of what 50% of the population will go through, you are not alone.

Keep educating yourself in order to gently educate others but don’t think you are an expert or that we are all experiencing the same symptoms. They are many and varied and we all deal with them in different ways, at our own paces and in different volumes.

Knowledge is power and oh don’t you wish you had read more before all of this started but you know for sure that the past is something which you cannot change and the future is full of infinite possibilities, if you simply let it.